I have come to realize that part of my unwillingness to settle into Parisian life has not been the cities fault, but my own. Not that this is much of a shock, but still, it always shocks me when I am the fault... needless to say I am shocked often.
But back to my main point: reasons for my inability to join the city in it's comfort of self. Mostly? I guess because for the first, I don't know, five weeks, I didn't own it. It was foreign and so was I, and that was that.
But tonight, tonight I tried something different. Instead of being in a group of what is foreign here, I became someone wanting to know the city for themselves... alone. I took the metro, got off at a station I had yet to encounter, and walked. I walked for a while. I didn't listen to music, I didn't take pictures, I just walked and listened.
And on a Friday night, in any country, some things are always the same. The energy of the youth is almost frenzied, first and second and third dates are easy to spot, the working find their weekend selves relaxing with lazy smiles full of anticipation of a weekend full of good weather and plenty to do besides work.
The hot week finally broke and a beautiful breeze swept across Paris and you could feel the entire city breathe a collective sigh of content. Finally every thing was c'est pas grave... not that big of a deal. Beautiful weather, jazz on street corners, love in the air... good moods all around and amazing gelato to go with it.
So I joined the crowd near Il St. Louis and listened to the music while enjoying an ice cream that ended more on my face than in my mouth. I was a walking joke, even to myself. But it was okay, spirits were high and I didn't need to take myself seriously. So many languages surrounded me, what's one more english speaker? Besides, being apart of a crowd and being allowed to not only partake, but watch is one of my favorite things. A participator and an observer... the two positions are not separable.
I had been wanting to watch a good sunset for a while and knew we were due with all of the moisture in the air and the summer sun setting so slowly. So I staked my claim on a spot on a bridge and sat.
The sun cast a warm glow, warming to the point of perfect heat against the same cool breeze. I sat there for about 30 minutes soaking it in. For the first time I finally found my peace in Paris. Not a thought stirred, not a worry mounted, just a few moments of unencumbered bliss. Until...
"Bon soir madamoiselle..."
He looked italien but was for sure french. Not a good sign. I put back on my Paris face and turned away. He would not be dissuaded, so after a few moments of polite and purposefully even worse french... I walked quickly away. Back to for a new spot.
Just as everything is in Paris though, another view and another perfect spot opened up before me like a gift from above... come to think of it, it probably was. I turned a corner and the brilliant sunset I had wanted took my breathe away. Literally. I cried. It was so beautiful. I couldn't believe it. I grabbed my camera and my phone camera. My second gift came in the form of free internet... I got to call the love of my life and sorta share it with him. It wasn't perfect, but it was perfect for me.
God met me again tonight. Not in the ways that I always think He will, but in His special ways. Like me going out to dinner tonight the only one alone in the restaurant and still have unshakable peace and comfort... and joy. Even when the waiter brought my drink with a sparkler in it. Oh yeah. A sparkler... a big freaking streaking sparkler that said "Hey look at the lonely American." It was hysterical. Even he had to laugh as I sat there waiting for it to go out as half the restaurant stared at me. Later he asked for my phone number. Frenchmen, got to love 'em. If she's alone... go in for the kill. It was hysterical, you could tell he was probably 18 working on his rico suave skills. I felt like a cougar and I wasn't even looking for him. Ugh. I am getting old.
But as the night wrapped up and I went to meet my friends and I was surrounded by a gaggle of 20 year old boys looking for 20 year old girls I could not help but laugh at the sexual rituals that don't change from continent to continent. Of course one approached me and asked if I was meeting friends. Then he asked if I was married. Apparently I look married. Ha! I think more like I looked like his older sister that was married. But after a few moments of banter and assurances that I had plenty of beautiful good looking friends that were his age, he told me my french was pretty good for only being here 5 weeks and that he thought I would pick it up quickly. Now that was the best compliment I have gotten in weeks.
As I sat on the metro on the way home, I smiled all the way. Not on purpose, but the kind of smile that comes from a deep place of connection with Someone that transcends state lines. Someone that showed me a part of a city I hadn't seen before and kept me company all night. The sort of Someone that I had one of the best dates with I have had in months. The sorta Someone that gives me the reason I breathe... and a great night to boot.
Paris is no longer foreign. Now it's another place I have found myself in.
I wonder where I will find me next.
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