On more than one occasion, my resolve to redefine myself has been tested and tried. Shopping has almost completely released itself from my life, except for when my birthday came around. I suddenly had the urge to “buy myself a gift.” Never mind that I spent oodles of money on skydiving. The upcoming Christmas party has also posed a perfect opportunity to splurge on a completely unneeded dress. I have stopped myself by remembering the dresses I have in my back seat waiting to be taken to the local consignment shop.

Today was the ultimate though. I had called my mother earlier asking her if she was going to be in the area, to bring something I left at home along with her. She said she had business at Apple and since it is around the corner, I agreed to meet there.
As I wandered the pristine white floors, admiring their use of Ipads as displays for the Iphone, I came across something I didn’t even know I wanted: the shuffle. The only item in the store that is under $100 and can play anyone of my crazy playlists, I was lured over by their pretty colors and shiny cases. It was so tiny! So precious clipped onto a display, all innocent and sweet with its double digit price tag. Uuuhhh…. I wanted one. Oh, look! Red! And green! And it has voice over! I don’t even know what that means, but I am sure it is awesome.

My mind filled with thoughts of what I could do with it. I could put it in my car and never have to use my iPhone again, I could use it at the gym, and since I haven’t been going much, I am sure it would motivate me back in. And seriously, I NEED it for the half marathon. No, seriously, I need it. I mean, I can’t take my phone with me. It’s WAY too heavy. How have I even survived without one until now?
My mind whirled and swirled with the infinite possibilities. I went so far as to think about what bill I could put off. I mean, what’s $50 not going to my CC, right?
My mother’s voice acted like a splash of cold water on my face, effectively breaking the trance. Damn! It was like I was literally pulled from my body and had been walking around in an acid induced state of hypnosis. I grabbed what I needed from my mother and ran out the door, feeling the tendrils of desires try and pull me back. I know I could even ask for it for Christmas… no! Get out!

It’s not the Shuffle. It’s not even the money. It’s the perspective that gets me. As though somehow, this thing is going to make life easier, better, more fun. When, if ever, has an item provided just what you needed for fulfillment… get your mind out of the gutter. You know what I mean. Never. I have gobs of shit hanging around and have never felt emptier.

The world, in all its glory, is supposed to serve us. The mountains, the stars, the rivers, the canyons, the deserts, they all have a secret they are longing to tell: we are the ultimate in creation. When God created humans, He breathed a sigh and rested. Not only had He created an infinite beauty in the world, but He created something to enjoy it, to master it, to be the ultimate mix of the eternal and finite, man. Why then, are we not recognizing how what is lower (things of tactile consumption), has somehow become what we (which is higher and more spectacular) find more valuable than our own lives?
Here is what I mean; why do we have
jobs? To pay the bills. Why do we have bills? Because we have to pay for things. Why do we have to pay for things? Because we need them. So, ultimately, what we are saying is, this endless cycle of buying, wanting, needing, making more, spending more, buying more and making more has us stuck in the endless loop, while we are missing our lives.

How many of us have been to Europe? And when I say “been,” I’m not saying “I took a vacation there,” but really, you have sat down, talked with, lived among and understood the glories of another country? When was the last time we decided a desire for a dream, or a goal, was more important than our career? We buy nice cars, nice clothes, go to movies, pay the bills, and miss it all. We scold the father that buys grand gifts for his kids but doesn’t spend time with them, knowing the relationship is more important, but we forget that life is more important than our jobs.

I met a guy on Saturday that spends half the year living and traveling from lodge to lodge in Wyoming, living in a car at times, teaching snowboarding. He spends the other half of the year couch surfing, actually surfing his way down the coast and back up. He has degree in Sociology, is not socially awkward, finds ways to not be a burden on others and lives debt free.

Not everyone can handle living that way, and to be honest, I am sure it is much more a male thing than a female thing, but I stand by the idea. Will he ever really regret a time in his life when he was doing something he loved, seeing some of the most beautiful things the world has to offer? Um, I doubt it.
If we really believe in the possibilities as much as we say we do, if we really believe God loves us as much as He does, if life really is about living it abundantly, why aren’t we?

All of this from a Shuffle yes, because I don’t need the shuffle. But I do need freedom. I want to keep taking off the chains that would keep me stifled down, unable to capture the illusive life that is meant to be lived. I want to be served by the world and its beauty, not serve it by being roped into an exist that doesn’t allow me to see the wonders, feel the passions, recognize the amazingness that is God’s gift to us.

To put it in Christian terms, I won’t serve to masters. Instead, I put down the pretty Shuffle, pick up my bag and walk out, knowing I am infinitely more complex, beautiful and valuable than two ounces of metal and memory and I won't remember if I had a Shuffle, but I will remember living in freedom.