Beautifully Tragic

I spent tonight with every man's dream... two beautiful women that will someday run the world. 

Now trust me, I don't say that lightly, but the fact is, I am surrounded everyday by girls and boys that will someday run this country, and because we live in a hegemony controlled by the West that is ultimately run by the US, ultimately means they will someday run the world. And honestly, I am okay with that. 

As I sat there in my infinite wisdom of my three more years and a lifetime of experiences have given me, I couldn't help but feel the inadequate den mother. The one that should have the answers, the earth shattering truths that will take them into the future and beyond... but no. All I have is a list of dont's and a handful of cautions that make wisdom look like a cheap set of parlor tricks and cheesy videos of celibacy and savings accounts. 

I used to think that my mistakes and failures would mean a better life for someone else, but I have begun to realize how arrogant that is. I mean, after all, how many people did I listen to at 21, when I knew the world was small, the future was short, and I was queen of the world?

Only your own path can explain the reason's for experiences. And at the same time that is a comfort, it is a great tragedy. How sad that I am the only one that will benefit from these lesson's of catastrophic nature. A list of heart breaks, revelations and midnight epiphany's fill my head, but even as that thought finishes itself in my mind I realize how naive I am. 

So what if the lesson's I have learned would only be for me? What if no one else would ever benefit from them? Would that make them any less powerful, or real, or truthful? Or does that just mean that I am important enough, that the God of the universe would set a path in front of me that was purposed for me and me alone. Could that be true? Could it be that humbling, and that gracious, and that wonderful, and that beautiful? 

My life takes on a whole new meaning as I realize that I am not only inadequate, but purposefully so. The answers are not for me to give, but for me to introduce the idea of inadequacy to someone new. "I don't know" could be the most powerful phrase in the english language if used correctly. Could it mean that there are desires beyond our own need to recognized to allow God to speak directly to each individual, including ourselves? 

As I ponder this more and allow the depth to encase my heart and soul, a freedom fills me. I question the freedom, wondering at the meaning, depth, and purpose of it. Then two fold, the realization hits me: it is not only for me, but for everyone I encounter. My story no longer has power, what has power is the Holy Spirit. Thank God. That means I no longer need to carry the burden of what I may say, but instead, spend my time praying that God be present either in me, or through me. It means I no longer have control over the Holy Spirit, but He has control over me. 

Beautifully Tragic my story seems, but it is no longer a concern of mine. My story was for me, and everyone else's is for them. Joy to the Lord for He is personal and true. May I rejoice in the truth He speaks to each individual I meet, and may I be humble enough to understand that truth does not often come from my inadequate mouth. For if His wise and good knowledge allows me to speak truth, Lord knows, it will be when I least expect it, and even more, most likely when I am saying something I think is stupid and pointless.

Thank you Lord for never allowing me to think what I say has more value than Your truth in someone else's life. May I always seek Your truth in my own first, theirs second, and heaven's third. Fear of You is the beginning of wisdom; that being said, I am not ashamed to say, I am scared to death of speaking in Your name. Let someone in their false confidence screw that up. 

Love You,

Peace OUT!