A clanging Gong

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately on the nature of spirituality. The expressions and the desires of such gifting.

I have long believed in the gifts of the Spirit, since they are just such things, gifts. Speaking in tongues, interpretation, prophecy, exhortation, evangelism, teaching, discernment... just to name a few. I have seen them dramatically expressed with power and authority, and I have seen quiet expressions of the same gifts, not with any less authority.

My struggle is, as a woman of many colors and stories and battles, I have made a habit of wearing my struggles and weaknesses on my sleeve. Never ashamed of what I have been through, what I am going through and where I am going, I am have been an open book. Granted at times, I have been such things maybe more as a weapon than a defense, but nonetheless, it has become my life. Let all find the light, as that which is hidden will be revealed anyways. But, back to my main point, I believe that this sort of choice in life has hindered me in being viewed as a viable capable source of wisdom or maturity. 

Now that statement in itself may be slightly immature, and thus I may be proving many a point in saying it, but the real reason I bring it up is not for me, but for maybe a sort of... grander purpose. 

Have some in the church become so wrapped in the idea of strength being expressed through the use of the afore mentioned gifts, that those that do not express them in a prescribed way are seen as, dare I say it, weaker?

Now that very long and contrived question may be slightly confusing for those that have never encountered such actions as prophecy, discernment, speaking tongues, words of knowledge and the like, but let me tell you, they are powerful. They are meant to be. They are for the purpose of edification of the body, and I find them not only legitimate, but extremely important. So maybe my question is more for those that have a history with these sort of activities and workings, but the question still remains: is it a sign of weakness to not express them?

The relationship with Jesus is a very personal thing. I know, I know, everyone knows that, but let me say it again. The relationship with Jesus is very personal. Meaning individual. Meaning specific. See, that is the beauty and the confusion of this wonderful thing we call a journey. Everyone is made with what I like to call personal pock marks. Small scars or defects or little foibles that make us us. Jesus and the Spirit have the amazing desire and purpose to form a relationship with each one of us that fits those little imperfections to a T. What works for one member of the body may not work for another member of a body, unless it is tweaked, or changed somehow.

We are all meant to pour into each other, to love, to support, to be in joy with, to be in pain with, to go to the heights with, and go to the depths with. That is what makes us a community. That doesn't mean, however, that we may know more about that person and their relationship with Christ, than they do. 

What does this all have to do with the spirituality of my initial question? It has been in my experience in the last few years, that God has been calling us back to what some would call the mysticism of the apostles. And I would agree with them. I think He is. I think He is up there scratching His head going "Okay, so I have given you guys all of these cool tools and gifts and ways to love others and me, and to encourage and just make my relationship with you ten times better, and for, like the last 1,000 years, you have been ignoring them. Huh." So I may be paraphrasing, but that is what God sounds like in my head. 

That being said, I have seen a large swing in that direction. Great, awesome. My concern is, with that, there are those that may be able to harness those gifts a little more readily than others, and the "others" at times, seem to forget that they are gifts not just for a few, but for all. And on top of that, not only are they gifts for all, but sometimes the expression of them may look completely different depending on who the person is, what the situation is and the way that God wants to reach each individual. 

See this is what really gets me. The other day I reached out to a few people I knew and thought I could trust to pray and seek out wisdom with me. You know what I got in return? From two, nothing, and from one, something off the wall and completely offensive. On the same day, another friend of mine that I dearly love, had written me a card for Valentines day, sent it to me that said I love you and am so proud of you. It made me cry. 

I was so humbled. I had become one of the "others." I assumed that since these few people that I had seen "God speak through" I thought that they were better to ask than anyone else. It was someone else, someone that may not be as mystically expressive, that God used to speak something powerful and beautiful and poignant into my life. Where was I on that one? I had even fallen into the category of being so naive as to think that their relationships with Jesus were stronger because they had the expressions I desired. I so devalued the way that the Spirit speaks to me, the validity of my own experience so much that I was sucked into this giant lie that someone else had better access to God than me. How sad. How humiliating, how deceived. The gifts are poured out on all, expressed differently by everyone.

I came from a place where some people thought that the Christians that "sinned less" and had "better works" were stronger and more loved and better to lead. Now I have come to a place where those that "hear more" or "have visions" or "prophecy" more are better to lead. So which one was based on works again?

This can be dangerous. If we begin to assume that only a few have the monopoly, have the edge, that can get sticky. If there are those that have picked up on this trend (in a sense) faster than others, why is training of others, or the assumption that others have the same access to those gifts and revelations not just as prevalent? If we assume that just a few have it, what a ripe scenario for the enemy to have a field day. 

My favorite verse at this moment, is  I Corinthians 13:1-3. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am resounding gong, or clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." 

This is indisputable. This is not something we can squirm out of. Love is essential. What is a clanging gong, or a resounding symbol? It's annoying, it's actually quite painful to hear. Long enough and your ears may begin to stop hearing, or you may go deaf. How harsh is it to say you can prophecy until you are blue in the face, but if it is done with no love, with no kindness, patience, grace, empathy, or even just silence at times, you are nothing. Nothing. There is no point to you. You are empty. Wow. Harsh, and so beautiful.

If you think about it, this clause, this phrase is so important. So vital. It is a clause to a contract of freedom that is bound in protection. It is to protect the body. To preserve the beauty of the gift and to protect the person speaking. It is a harness to a tongue too immature to speak. A bridal to a mind that is sharp, but so sharp, it may cut. If God is love than we are to act in accordance with that. There is no arrogance in that. 

God Himself is the one and only entity that exists that has the right to boast and to be arrogant. He holds the patent on perfection, and He Himself says He is love, and He Himself also says that love does not boast and is not arrogant. He does not need to validate, prove, or to express Himself in a selfish way. He is fully humble in who and what He is. That is so powerful. 

I will confess, the temptation to use the gifts of the spirit to laud my own validity over someone else has always been a temptation, but the more time I have spent alone, the more time I have spent with others, and the more time I have been wrong, I have learned something very different. 

The expressions of ancient mysticism, while important and valid and beautiful, is not any more important, not any more valid and not any more spiritual, than a kindly spoken word. Than a character free of arrogance and the desire to be better than. Than a heart quick to listen and slow to speak. It is not more spiritual than sharing a laugh over dinner, having a night in with friends and sharing life. It can not be more spiritual than owning mistakes, confession, forgiveness and walking in humility. There are times to stand on the corner and pray out loud, but I believe those times may be fewer and farther in between than the times to just sit quietly and wait. No wisdom is wisdom at all that comes from our own minds. Wisdom, true wisdom, is only a something that can be imparted from the Spirit. 

Every encounter with Jesus has power. Even if it is alone, in your room, never to be spoken of with anyone. See, every exchange of heaven to earth moves the spiritual. So whether or not it is known or unknown matters not. That means that even though I wear my struggles on my sleeve, the victories, the revelations of beauty, those I tuck close to my heart. Those are the private ones. Why share pillow talk with public? That is between Him and I, to be shared only when it is right. That being said, whether or not I express my spirituality in tongues, words, or visions, means nothing. In fact, it means nothing, in terms of strength or privilege, to everyone. Or at least it should mean nothing. I know the gifts are available to me. I know I could express them if God wanted at the right time and place. I know they are there to help me and the body, but only when used in conjunction with Him and love. That means I don't need to do it. That means I don't need it to validate my relationship with Him. That means that if I do or don't express them, He is still just as present, as real, as loud, as loving with me, that He is with anyone else. 

It sheds a different light on those gifts. It makes me want to be more careful with them. More careful with what I say and do in His name, as though it is from His mouth. It makes me want to be more quiet, and wait more, and I am so thankful for that. I don't have to seek out words and visions, if He wants me to have them, I will, and I have, when appropriate, when I have felt Him urging. Not, in any way shape or form do I claim perfection though. At this point, just so I don't shove my foot in my mouth (like I tend to do), I have taken to saying nothing. I assume when I am 80, I ma be able to speak to someone with a word of knowledge and know without a doubt it is Him, but until then. I will just blog.