When the bottom of your world drops out from under you, there comes a moment (or maybe longer), when you think nothing will ever be right again. It's so hard to remember what it feels like to be joyful, happy, hopeful or even just not broken. The pain obscures sight and to even think on a different path, something better or healing feels like a betrayal to the loss.
Eventually, if handled properly, the pain begins to ebb. The sunshine breaks through and because all your heart can handle is a few brief seconds of joy, that joy is just enough to remember life before the pain. For a while, this interchange goes back and forth with the pain still outweighing, then one day you find yourself smiling a broken half-hearted smile, but still, it's there. Then it comes again, and again and again yet again.
For me, as I sat desperately at the foot of the cross, waiting for a drop of salvation to ease my disillusioned soul, I was fortunate enough to receive His comfort. As I did, I found a treasure worth smiling for, and the Presence I felt started to ease and bring a hope that instead of hurting, healed. This time, the promises weren't false, empty or short-lived. They were promises based on an unselfish heart worth trusting, and follow through.
So a few months after another tragedy, the bright rays of the Son, and the broken smiles outweigh the sadness. The pain has parted enough to see a hopeful future that is based not an incomplete dream, but instead, a secure knowledge of Who's I am.
So back to this silly song. The lyrics are as such:
Some kind of magic,
Happens late night.
When the moon smiles down at me
Bathes me in it's light
I fell asleep beneath you,
In the tall blades of grass.
When I woke the world was new,
And I never had to ask.
It's a brand new day,
The sun is shining,
It's a brand new day.
For the first time in such a long, long time,
I know, I'll be okay.
Most kind of stories,
Save the best part for last,
And most stories have a hero finds you make your past, the past.
You make your past the past.
It's a brand new day,
The sun is shining,
It's a brand new day.
For the first time in such a long, long time,
I know I'll be okay.
This cycle never ends,
We gotta fall, in order to mend.
It's a brand new day...
It's brand new day,
For the first time in such a long, long time,
I know, I'll be okay.
Everyone has a different reason why, at the end of a tragedy, they are happy to have come through it. For me, I'm happy, no ecstatic to know that I can trust my God to go through any journey with me and never, ever let me down. The nights were dark and still can be, and I hate the pain I went through. Sometimes I hate the distasteful distrust it left in my mouth as a bitter after-taste, but as I feel the Sonshine, I can't help but feel a gratitude grow just a little. I wouldn't know Him the way I do now, I wouldn't be who I am now, I wouldn't feel what I feel, or trust Him, or desire Him, or be as humbled as I am without it.
I've always wanted to be that woman that can rise above circumstances, that knows a deeper peace, that has a greater faith and trust, but now I know in a much deeper way, those things only come through the darkest hours. I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be, nor do I look forward to the circumstances I know I will need to encounter to get there, but I do know I can face those trials, those tragedies with a greater faith and trust that He will come through. Somehow, He will be with me to bandage, heal and comfort when I think all is lost. I will find myself unfaithful again, distrusting in my pain, but I know, He is always present, even in my infidelity. That brings a sort of peace to face anything knowing I won't be yanked from His hand, when I falter, He will be greater, when I question, He won't flinch.
Before, in the immaturity of life (which I still inhabit most of the time), I feared the feeling of joy, wondering when it would be snatched away again. When tragedy finally befell, it became proof of never being able to trust rather than understanding pain and sorrow as an inevitable part of this world, never determining the heart of God, but always giving a chance to reveal more of His tenderness. For a moment, as the skies break and hope streaks in fresh and new, I begin to realize, happiness, pain, prosperity and despair are transient moments in time, not truth. Truth is His heart, His life, His presence, His promise, His comfort, His love, His hope, His strength, His wisdom.
I will face many more trials, many more pains, many more losses. This doesn't make me cursed, terrible, rejected, or even somehow unblessed. It means I'm human, fragile, and subject to a world of harsh realities and grand beauties. But in every one of them, who I am, my heart, my spirit and my salvation, are tucked away, safe and sound, thriving in the hand of my Creator. I will always be okay.
It's a brand new day, and for the first time, in such a long, long time, I know, I'll be okay. In fact, I'll be better than okay, I'll be blessed.
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